Sermons

Series: All!

• Jesus has all authority,

• So that all nations

• Might pledge all allegiance to him.

Title: “What does Jesus say about Marriage, Divorce & Singleness?” (Darien Gabriel)

Scripture: Matthew 19:1-12 NIV cf. Deut. 24:1-4 NIV

Heavily indebted to Douglas Sean O’Donnell’s commentary for this message. (See below)

Bottom line: Jesus calls us to submit our already high view of marriage and singleness to our highest aim or devotion: Kingdom First.

1. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

2. SERMON OUTLINE & NOTES

3. MAIN REFERENCES USED

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Discussion questions for group and personal study.

Reflect and Discuss

1. List some ways that our culture's view of marriage is unbiblical (think TV, radio, advertising, etc.).

2. Why is it crucial to begin our discussion on marriage with God's design in Genesis? Discuss the idea that divorce is fundamentally an offense against God.

3. What wrong messages about Christ and His redemption are communicated to the world when Christians don't obey God's Word concerning marriage and divorce?

4. How can churches show both tenderness and courage in confronting the issue of divorce?

5. Why was the Pharisees' questioning misguided and wrongly

motivated?

6. If a friend asked, "When is it OK to get a divorce?" how would you answer?

7. Why is it so crucial for Christians to take the approach that we ought to be looking for every opportunity to reconcile?

8. What are practical steps to strengthen an existing marriage?

9. What does it mean practically for a single person to maximize his singleness?

10. What counsel would you give to someone who had been divorced and who thought their usefulness in God's kingdom had ended?

How would you counsel someone who had abandoned a spouse?

11. How might a wrong view of marriage and divorce be a precursor to other issues in society such as homosexuality, abortion, etc.?

Final Questions (optional or in place of above)

• What is God saying to you right now?

• What are you going to do about it?

Find our sermons, podcasts, discussion questions and notes at https://www.gracetoday.net/podcast

Weekly questions I answer in preparation for the sermon:

Q. What do I want you to know?

A. That marriage, divorce, and singleness are all to be viewed in light of our highest pursuit: the kingdom of God.

Q. Why?

A. Because in God’s economy, the kingdom is most valuable. (Treasure hidden in a field; “Seek first…”)

Q. What do I want you to do?

A. Submit our highest view of marriage and singleness to the ultimate agenda of the kingdom of God.

Q. Why?

A. Because God’s agenda should be his followers agenda. “All!”

OUTLINE & NOTES

Introduction

Not long ago, several of the elders and our wives were together and it came up that this passage on marriage and divorce was coming soon. One of the wives gave a quick sermon outline that I loved:

Wives’ Sermon outline in 3 steps:

1. Select well

2. Stay together

3. Say your sorry

Bottom line: Jesus calls us to embrace his already high view of marriage and singleness making it our highest devotion: to King & Kingdom First.

Pharisees ask 2 questions:

1. Question 1: Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause? (3)

1. Nerve—

1. Context

• Jesus just taught about forgiveness at the end of Matthew 18

• Jesus leaves Galilee marking the end of his significant Galilean ministry which began in 4:12 to “the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.”

• He’s moving towards Jerusalem. (16:21; cf. 20:17)

• He’s moving towards the cross and ultimate act of forgiveness.

• But first he stops and heals the crowds. Multiple crowds. That’s crowds plural!

• It’s after all of this healing that the Pharisees show up. Blind men with deaf and dumb question.

• Finally, his context is our highest devotion is for our king and his kingdom; even his high view of marriage and singleness fall behind that.

2. Do you see the nerve of this question?

1. Instead of asking, “Where do your miraculous powers come from?” They ask about divorce.

2. Instead of asking, “Tell us more about this death and resurrection business.” They ask about divorce.

3. Instead of asking, “Are you the Messiah, the promised one?” They ask about divorce.

4. These were audacious, wicked questions.

2. Nature—

1. These men were trying to test, tempt and trap Jesus.

2. Tricky question. They were inviting Jesus to pick a side and then pay the consequences.

1. Debate centered on interpretation of Deut. 24:1 and “some indecency” or “anything indecent” or “Any and every reason”

1. Conservative view (Shammai): taught that God required divorce for sexual unfaithfulness (adultery) focused on the word “indecent” or “reason”

2. Liberal view (Hillel): taught that God required divorce for “anything” or “any and every reason” in his wife. This could include any trivial reason like burning toast.

2. They know he’s on the conservative side of things on this issue based on Matt 5:31-32 in the sermon on the mount where he taught that lust = spiritual adultery. And that’s what they want..

3. Scenarios

1. Best case: if he sides with the conservatives perhaps he will suffer the fate of John the Baptist. (Remember his beheading and why? Conservative views on marriage and divorce)

2. Worst case: (still good for them) is that he falls into the next trap, their follow-up question about Deut. Ah, he’s a lawbreaker then! He disregards Moses. Either way, they think they have him. He either angers the powerful or the pious, or both the power and the pious.

2. Answer 1: “Haven’t you read…” (4-6) 2 Observations:

1. Jesus goes to the Bible for his answer.

1. He goes to Genesis—not the last word on marriage but the most foundational.

2. He challenges their basic Bible knowledge on the A, B, C’s of marriage. Letter A: God intended marriage between man and woman for life. There was no provision for divorce in paradise.

3. His brief commentary on Genesis emphasizing God-ordained unity: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

4. In 4-6 “Jesus could have emphasized the equal image of the sexes, that both man and woman are made in the image of God. That’s true, but that’s not the issue at hand.”

5. Or he could have emphasized the concept of heterosexual monogamy (one man and one woman)—that these texts teach against both polygamy and homosexuality. That’s true, but again that’s not the issue at hand here. Neither fits in God’s original intent for marriage.

6. “Rather, he emphasizes God-ordained unity.

1. “be united to his wife” (5)

2. “One flesh” (5)

3. “No longer two,” (6)

4. “but one flesh” (6)

5. “Let no one separate” (6)

6. Unity, unity, unity, unity, and unity—obvious theme.

7. Not so obvious, God is the focus here.

1. While Genesis speaks of man’s action “a man will leave his father and mother…”

2. Jesus speaks of God’s action “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

1. It is God who brings people together into holy wedlock.

2. EHarmony at it’s best—E is for Elohim:-) (Hebrew for God)

3. God brings them together and doesn’t want man to separate what God has brought together—a physical and metaphysical new creation—one man/woman/flesh.

1. That’s God’s math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 1 (Trinity)

2. Marriage: 1 + 1 = 1 (Marriage)

2. Jesus gives a divinely inspired purpose statement on marriage.

3. Question 2 & Answer 2

1. Question: “Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

1. They’re trying to prove their point that Jesus’ view of divorce is not Moses’ view.

2. Jesus responds offering 2 corrections and 1 command.

1. First correction: Moses didn’t command divorce, but rather he allowed it. (7-8)

1. NT Wright illustration: “Just as a car is made to drive safely on the road, not to skid around colliding with other cards, so marriage was made to be a partnership of one woman and one man for life, not something that could be split up and reassembled whenever one person wanted it…Moses didn’t say, as it were, ‘when you drive your car, this is how to have an accident’; rather, ‘when you drive a card, take care not to have an accident; but if, tragically, and accident occurs, this is how to deal with it.’”

2. Moses didn’t command, “go wreck your car and get a new one.” Rather, he saw all the car wrecks and felt compelled to write some rules of the road. He tried to regulate the wrecks.

3. Specific law: “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.” Deut 24:1-4 NIV

2. Second correction: “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.” (8)

1. Two wills of God:

1. God’s idea will—the original intention of marriage advocated in Genesis “from the beginning” and

2. God’s allowed (permissive) will—the necessary regulations due to human sin.

2. Notice Jesus’ use of “You” and “Your”

1. He doesn’t say “our” like a preacher would say—“it’s due to our sin”

2. He doesn’t say “their” referring only to the men of Moses’ day.

3. He says “your,” excluding himself (sinless savior) and including these Pharisees in the sins of their forefathers. Their hard-heartedness runs in the family.

4. Marriage is not the problem.

5. Hard-hearted men (and let’s add women, to be fair) are the problem. You and I are the problem. Not marriage.

6. Take away hard-heartedness and you can take away all divorce laws, attorneys, courts and settlements.

7. Oh that we would think first of Genesis and not Deuteronomy!

3. One Command: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (9)

1. What’s surprising about this? Surprise 1: That, after vv. 4-6 & 8, Jesus allows for divorce at all.

2. He seems to balance the 2 wills of God.

1. He hates divorce—it’s never desirable. (Malachi)

2. But, he allows divorce.

3. Surprise 2: Jesus’ authority.

1. “The Bible says…” (4-5)

2. “The Bible says…” (8)

3. “I tell you” (9)—Remember, Jesus has “All” authority. (28:18-20)

4. Jesus is the greater Moses, greater Bible/word, greater authority!

4. Exception clause:

1. First, let’s read the command without the exception, “Anyone who divorces his wife…and marries another commits adultery.” (9)

1. Jesus is clear: To divorce your spouse (for any reason you can come up with) and marry another is to commit adultery. That behavior, so common in our culture, is clearly against Christ’s command.

2. But—adding the exception clause back in—if your spouse has been sexually immoral, you can get a divorce. It’s not required but it is permitted.

4. 4 Questions:

1. Question 1: What is meant by “sexually immorality” (porneia)?

2. Answer: “Sexual intercourse that is contrary to the moral standards of OT law—e.g. incest, bestiality, homosexuality, fornication, and adultery. In our context it primarily but not exclusively refers to adultery—that is, having sexual relations with someone who is not your spouse.”

3. Question 2: Why is adultery the one exception?

4. Answer: “Because adultery is the one sin that tears apart the “one flesh” Jesus talked about in 5-6. According to the OT law, the punishment for adultery was death (Deut 22:22). Death—that’s the end of the marriage. In Roman culture (and Jewish culture) at that time of Jesus, this punishment was not in place. So Jesus puts something similar in place: adultery = (in some cases and in many cases) death, the death of the marriage via divorce.”

5. Question 3: Is adultery the only exception?

6. Answer: It is here. However, in 1 Cor 7:15 Paul adds another exception in a very different context. He allows divorce for abandonment often called “willful desertion.”

7. Question 4: Does the sin of adultery (or any other grave sin) necessitate divorce?

8. Answer: Certainly not. Why not?

1. The lesson of Matthew 18 just prior is to forgive (70x7) because God forgave you for much more.

2. If adultery occurs, you have 2 choices:

1. Divorce. He/she has broken the “one flesh” covenant. It’s the death penalty.

2. Forgive. “To re-embrace the repentant, to offer anew the gospel of forgiveness—70x7 forgiveness for a zillion-dollar debt.”

9. For all your questions not answered here

1. Think Genesis: Be united as one flesh. Hold fast to one another.

2. Think Gospel: Forgive one another.

3. Think Goal: What God has joined together, let no one separate.

4. Higher View of the Kingdom

1. Pharisees seem to disappear.

2. Disciples step up and say, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

1. Chauvinists? “If I can’t get rid of this woman whenever and for whatever, then why marry in the first place?” Perhaps

2. Realists? “What marriage is so great that it lasts a lifetime? Come on, Jesus, lighten up.” Perhaps

3. Clueless? Their track record on the teachings of Jesus is pretty clear.

3. What’s unexpected is how Jesus shifts the conversation from marriage to singleness. He doesn’t reply to their comment.

4. “Instead, he gives a eulogy for eunuchs, a tribute to single-minded singles:”

5. A eunuch is someone who is single and not sexually active for one of 3 reasons:

1. Natural (born that way)

2. Unnatural (someone made that way), or this new category Jesus has introduced, which we’ll call

3. Willfully or Volitionally (someone who desires to be that way or stay that way) for the gospel/kingdom.

6. But his point is grander than “Esteem and embrace the gift of singleness.” “His point is this: The kingdom of heaven is so important that it should seem perfectly normal if someone would want to give up marriage for it.” P. 543

5. Context:

1. “Jesus teaches that you can’t have too high a view of marriage. It is so high the disciples are taken aback by it.”

2. “But in vv. 11-12 he adds that however high your view of marriage is, your view of the kingdom ought to be far higher.”

3. “The Church misses the point when we make marriage the point.” -543

4. Marriage & Singleness from a Kingdom Perspective (God’s perspective)

1. 16: self denial and cross bearing

2. 18:21-35 Forgiveness

3. 19:1-9 Marriage

4. 19:10-12 Singleness, but more on single-minded devotion to the king and his kingdom gospel mission

5. First focus: Always the Gospel.

1. Not against focusing on the family. He started there in v. 1

2. “But he is against focusing on the family or marriage or work or money or house or land or anything else ahead of the kingdom. Gospel first; everything else second—that’s his motto, and that’s his model.”

3. That’s how he lived

1. Denied himself marriage and the pleasures of marriage

1. Companionship

2. Physical intimacy

3. Children

2. “For the spread of the kingdom of heaven on earth. He was a eunuch for the kingdom.”

4. And He calls those who can to do the same.

5. And He calls those who can’t do the same to want the same “for the sake of the kingdom.” “Seek first…”

Conclusion

Bottom line: Jesus calls us to embrace his already high view of marriage and singleness making it our highest devotion: to King & Kingdom First.

1. Raise your view of marriage to God’s original design and intent.

2. Raise your view of singleness to God’s original purpose.

3. Raise your devotion for what matters most to God: His kingdom mission.

4. Find forgiveness and freedom from guilt in these words either by

1. Recognizing that you may not be guilty of anything, or

2. Confessing, repenting and receiving his merciful forgiveness for your sin of an unbiblical divorce.

MAIN REFERENCES USED

“Preaching the Word” Commentary, Douglas Sean O’Donnell, Edited by Kent Hughes

“Matthew” by RC Sproul

“The Bible Knowledge Commentary” by Walvoord, Zuck (BKC)

“The Bible Exposition Commentary” by Warren Wiersbe (BEC)

“Exalting Jesus in Matthew” by David Platt (CCE)

Outline Bible, D Willmington

NIV Study Bible (NIVSB)

ESV Study Bible (ESVSB)

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